


The Talk

by Devilc



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse, JSA
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-07
Updated: 2010-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 19:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devilc/pseuds/Devilc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Marvel gives Bart Allen "the talk".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [Tea and Lechery](http://archiveofourown.org/works/67908) and won't make sense until you read that.

"I totally don't understand why Jay wants me to talk to you," Kid Flash -- no, Bart, his name is Bart -- huffed, idly kicking at a pebble on the ground.

"Well, Bart," Billy began, blushing as red as his uniform, "Um ... sometimes, parents feel kind of awkward talking about ... what Jay wants me to talk to you about today."

"You mean sex."

Billy felt like he would die from embarrassment. "Yes," he squeaked.

"Why are you blushing?"

He cleared his throat, "Well, because, um ..."

"Because, Captain Marvel, I already read everything the San Fransisco public library has on the topic -"

"You what?!" Billy was going to kill Jay the next time he saw him.

"You heard me. Super speed. Read whole library. Photographic memory. So unless the wisdom of Solomon has something to say like about how to manage all your wives and concubines, why are we having this talk?"

"A seraglio with a large staff -" Billy blurted before thinking.

Bart shrugged, confused. "Um ... so that's why we're having this conversation? I don't get it."

Billy sighed. "No, it's how Solomon managed all his ... um .... He was the King and "

"Yeah, rich, and had a large staff to look after all his wives and concubines. But, what's that got to do with -"

Billy, desperate to get this over, grabbed Bart by the shoulders and bent to look at him eye to eye. "Look, always use a condom. Unless of course, you're trying to get her pregnant."

"Well, duh. But, like, what if I meet somebody from another planet and fall in love and it's one of those planets where guys get pregnant? 'Cause, there's some pretty strange stuff out there in the universe. I know, because I've seen it. Or, what if I'm like battling Poison Ivy or something and she hits me with sex pollen? Oh, wait, I know! My ring! If I can fit a whole uniform in there, I'm sure I can squeeze a condom in."

"But wouldn't it come flying out as soon as you -- you know?"

"Oh, yeah, it would." Bart frowned, chewing his lip thoughtfully for a split second. "I know! I'll talk to Ti-Robin. He'll be able to figure out a way for me to always have a condom in my uniform. Oh, and I won't fight Poison Ivy either."

Pause.

Okay. Condoms and no fighting Poison Ivy. The wisdom of Solomon muttered something about now being a good time for a strategic change of subject before things got any more bizarre.

Billy took a deep breath and asked, "So, Bart, do you like Oreos?"


End file.
